In order to kick ass you must first lift up your foot.

“In order to kick ass you must first lift up your foot. —Jen Sincero; author, coach, self-quoter”

For the past month and a half, I have been unemployed. Graduating college and trying to find a job is probably one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. Finding a job, in general, is hard, but there is that added stress right after college. You spend four years preparing for your career in an established institution … You graduate … Then you decide to get an advanced degree, that’s two more years (for me)! Everyone says how proud they are of you and that you can do anything, but for some reason, you feel no sense of accomplishment. You apply, and apply, and apply and then you wait.

But then … You start receiving replies! All at once, several companies you’ve applied to decide to reach out to you within a couple days of each other. At last, skype interviews commence, phone interviews begin. A couple places bring you in for in-person interviews. And then … You wait some more.

It is borderline torturous.

You try to keep yourself busy but your stream of consciousness goes something like this …

Where else could I apply? What’s close… I don’t have a car. Could I ride my bike that far? Does that bike even work? Where could I get a bike for cheap? I guess I could borrow my brother’s car sometimes, or my mom’s. What could I do at home? There’s got to be a way to make money at home, something … I have bills coming, maybe I can call to lower my payment. Being an adult sucks. Ugh, I’m gonna watch Netflix.

One Hour Later

Okay, back to work. Indeed.com, here we go. What other skills can I search? Am I good enough though … I need to work on my portfolio … (opens WordPress) … I need to get better at this, and this, and this … (opens lynda.com) … Oh, let’s learn about this!

One Hour Later

Ugh, I’ve been sitting here too long. I should workout. Gosh, I wish I had money for a gym membership. Maybe I could work at a gym? Okay, one more application. Must … Earn … Money … Man I’m hungry. Damnit, I need money for that too.

This continues, day after day. Depression and anxiety start to take over. You start to think to yourself, “It’s over, I’ll live on the street … ” “I am not good enough” “No one wants to hire me” “I just will sleep forever, and watch Netflix … damn that costs money too”

Slams head on desk.

Then you realize something. It’s all a process. A journey with ups and downs, twists and turns. This is the world we live in. All of these wonderful people in my life tell me I can do this, am I missing something? This is when I turned to my books …

During my job search process, I finally reached the “inspired” phase. Mostly because I started reading the book, You Are a Badass, by Jen Sincero. There’s something about a stranger telling me, that I’m a badass, that made me want to read more… how does she know? This surely can’t apply to everyone.

I was wrong. The following passages changed my perspective…

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”

“You are loved. Massively. Ferociously. Unconditionally. The Universe is totally freaking out about how awesome you are. It’s got you wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration. It wants to give you everything you desire. It wants you to be happy. It wants you to see what it sees in you.”

“Nobody who ever accomplished anything big or new or worth raising a celebratory fist in the air did it from their comfort zone. They risked ridicule and failure and sometimes even death.”

“If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.     —Lao Tzu; ancient Chinese philosopher, founder of Taoism, could have been one guy or a mythical compilation of many, nobody really knows for sure” 

― Jen SinceroYou Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

This book has changed my life and I highly recommend it! (Especially the audio book). This book got me to today, the day I am proud to announce that I have been offered a position at the University of Michigan as an AV Technician! Go blue!

We all go through changes and stressful times, where it feels like no one else understands…and honestly, they don’t. I don’t care what anyone says … Because you are the only you. You are the only one who knows how you feel. You are the only one who can make decisions towards the ultimate you. Just know, that you are loved. By the universe, the people and things and experiences that make you happy, and that make you come alive, you are loved. And in time, your badass-self will take the next step towards your next adventure, you just have to lift up your foot.

Lost and Unfound

purseThis week has not been the easiest. I was so excited to be home in Michigan for my mom’s 50th birthday, when I got off the Megabus on Sunday evening I left my purse behind. Yes, my blue Italian leather purse that I bought in Florence, Italy last June on my Europe trip. The really sad part is this is the second time I’ve left it behind in the past two months, but this time, I think it’s gone for good.

This also means I lost my credit card, debit card, DePaul ID, CTA UPass, driver’s license, awesome ID case I got in Boston, my 16GB SD card, my compact mirror I got from a good friend of mine, a necklace from my mom, my good chapstick, movie tickets I hadn’t put in my collection yet, possibly a flash drive, and a brand new pack of gum.

Most of these things are replaceable, and overall I’m handling the loss quite well. Luckily, my purse had seen better days and was wearing out anyway, though it would have been a nice keepsake. I waited until today to seriously act on the situation, I finally received a response to my lost item report from Megabus and they said they were unable to find it so I figured it was time.

I canceled my credit cards, a new Discover Card is on the way! I went to Chase Bank down the road from me and got a new debit card right then and there. I was there for five minutes tops. What a wonderfully convenient service, thanks Robert, from Chase Bank!

Next, I was off to the DePaul Center to get a new DePaul ID ($15) and a new UPass ($50), I have to wait a week for the UPass but at least it’s all taken care of!

Now I have to figure out my driver’s license situation…The license I lost was from Indiana, (the vertical pre twenty one years of age kind, I guess I finally have a reason to get a horizontal one). But technically, I am a resident of Michigan now since that’s where my parents moved to, and I physically live in Illinois, needless to say getting a new license is going to be a process. The good thing is I don’t have to drive in Chicago, so it can wait, and now I have another purpose for my passport!

My lesson learned from this…This happens to everyone at some point, somehow, and it is inconvenient but there are a lot of helpful people and companies to help you through it. More importantly when the bus driver says make sure you have all of your belongings as you’re leaving the bus, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR FREAKING PURSE!

I Am From the Mitten

Another poem, for National Poetry Writing Month.

One cool way to start writing poems is to write a copy-change poem. You start with a poem that already exists, maybe your favorite poem or a famous, well-known poem. Then you begin replacing words and phrases to make it your own. You can be as close to or as far and opposite from the original poem as you want. For this poem below I took George Ella Lyon’s poem “Where I’m From” and started changing words…then I basically changed the whole format to make it my own. I did use some elements and ideas for content from the original poem but I changed it to fit where I’m from. And for those of you that don’t get it right away this “mitten” that I’m from is also known as Michigan!

This one is for my family.

I am from the mitten–
from Log Cabin syrup and JIF peanut butter.
I am from a three bedroom ranch, family room addition, with a school and grandparents as neighbors.
I am from acorns and piles of leaves
left by the abundance of trees in our yard.

I am from Tynan Table Talk
from Patrick and Linda,
a big brother named Brad and a dog named Cookie.
I am from a town filled with lakes
called Waterford.

I am from burgers and beer and Christmas caroling.
I am from baseball games and bonfires.
I am from the Irish and the Italian
from stewghetti, corned beef and chicken and a vegetable.

I am from church at Our lady of the Lakes
followed by breakfast at Village Place.
I am from the smells of coffee
and fresh paint.
From the tears of  laughter
and the making of to-do lists.

I am from the stories–
told by my uncles and my grandfathers.
I am from the memories and the moments
in the photos tucked away in our garage,
or a folder on the computer.

I am from the love,
from the support,
from the courage,
from the silliness,
of a family
that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

fam